Recently, I have taken to meditation like people take to chocolate. I love everything about it, I love how it makes me feel awake and aware, I love the expansion in my perspective, I love staring at my thoughts from a third person’s view. It is liberating. It trains your mind to be vulnerable and it asks you to acknowledge the vulnerability. But I don’t want to merely focus on the benefits of meditation because there’s enough proof for that.

Let’s talk about emotions, specifically the emotions of men (including whoever identifies as male) and how meditation might play an important role in generating more mindfulness. Meditation is often dismissed as a “feminine” practice because it does not involve chiselling your muscles. But to reiterate something that most of us seem to forget, feminine is not the opposite of masculine. Now, fortunately, I have not experienced what it is like to “be a man” but from whatever I have seen and heard of, it sounds kind of terrible.

But to the men reading this: Try to understand that your terrible situation is a blessing compared to what all women have gone through, as a consequence.

Stop saying “Suck it up”

Today, young men and women have to deal with similar external stress factors of getting into a reputed college, getting a job, saving up, starting a family, etc. But why do men deal with this stress differently? Emotions are complex and many of us, especially men, tend to avoid them or try to find a way to bury the cause of some deep seated emotions by telling oneself to, “suck it up and deal with it”. There are a number of reasons leading up to such moments, which may involve mental or physical abuse from a young age. It’s wildly known, especially in the Indian society that for most men, the challenge is to be responsible for income security as well as supporting a family.

I don’t exactly know how to make such challenges extinct because I think humans are the most stubborn species on the planet and it’s tough to shake years and years of “culture” off but maybe we can start by coping with it.

How will meditation help? Practicing meditation regularly can aid in relieving this underlying stress. Meditation triggers something called “anterior cingulate cortex” (ACC) in our brains. Now, this ACC shit is very interesting and extremely important. ACC detects conflict and upon such detection, the ACC then provides cues to other areas in the brain to cope with the conflicting control systems. It is basically the detector that goes off and alerts your brain about your emotions.

Fun Note: It has been proven that greater ACC activation levels are present in more emotionally aware female participants when shown short ’emotional’ video clips. Simply put, the more emotionally aware you are, the better your brain can cope with the stress.

Redefining “Masculinity”

Violence and aggression is popular amongst men because of the limited coping mechanisms made available to them. Nothing get’s changed without starting the conversation. But if you don’t know where to even begin, who to even talk to – begin with yourself. Take 10 minutes in your day and start with guided meditation. Meditation is not just about focussing on breathing and building concentration. It is also about checking up on your mind.

You know how sometimes you spot a cleaner outside your window and you become self-aware of your presence in front of them whilst they are cleaning? I think that is how meditation is like. You become the window cleaner and your thoughts / emotions are what you are observing and attempting to clean, which are seated inside the big ass tower i.e. your brain. It’s a wonderful perspective to have, to be outside your brain and looking in.

No, meditation will not make you a superhero and conquerer of all beings, sorry. But it could be the first step towards being self-aware and that is so so important. It may even help you read and analyse your sub-conscious thoughts and in doing so, your violence and aggression will not erupt out of nowhere in stressful situations. Internal self-awareness represents how clearly we see our own values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviours, strengths, and weaknesses), and impact on others.

But it is a slow process, it has to be done regularly. I started meditating not more than two months ago. I get overwhelmed by external factors very easily and I just wanted to react to things in a better manner, especially in the present hell-ish times. My brain has always been like the CST station. Train of thoughts coming in and out, but nothing really staying permanently except the chaos of it all. After almost two weeks of meditating (10 minutes every day), I could eventually identify the trains, I could see the vague pattern. Once I became aware of the pattern, I could sort of control it. It was actually quite empowering.

Obviously most people have this chaos in their brains too but possibly the difference with most men is that the trains in their brains are on fucking fire.

Men, please don’t give into the notion of being the pillar of the society or the idea of “protecting” anybody. Try to remove yourself from such environments and expectations. Male violence is a learned behaviour. Please consciously try to unlearn it. If not meditation, then try whatever else that soothes your mind and controls your ego. You are not the enemy, but it’s about time that you become an ally. Start the conversation if you haven’t already, begin with yourself.

Some good meditation starter sessions:

• Download the Jeff Warren 30 day session on the Calm app (what I started out with, it’s free).
• Other apps with good beginner sessions include Headspace, Happier You, 10% Happier Meditation.